naptime

This is my view as I write this post on my iPad in the car.

Naptime.

That glorious stretch of quiet when a Mama can do what is needed, or sometime even what she wants.

Some laundry, some reading, some watching of Downton Abbey.  If really lucky, a sewing project that has patiently waited day after day.

Oh, if only it were so these days.

Lovey, in her quest (and our encouragement ) of becoming a bigger kid, seems to not want naps. She is straddling that tricky time of a little's life when one needs a nap, but there is far more exciting endeavors than resting your weary eyes.  I am sure that I haven't helped so much when we don't do the exact. same. routine. every. day.  (If only I were that kind of Mama. I am not. I doubt I ever will be.)

Though sometimes Mama-luck strikes and Lovey nurses a bit, nods off, her mouth slipping off of "milky" and I able to slip off of the bed and do those wonderful things I want to.  This is rare.

Often naps begin that way, but with a sleeping, firmly-latched Lovey.  When I try to unlatch a happily latched toddler, she cries.  And cries.   I cry.  And cry.

Crying is not napping.

Then there are days like today.

Today I decided that after miserable crying yesterday, I may as well make the most of nap, and run errands with only one little in tow. After all, it won't be long that this time of day will only include one little.

So with a short list of stops; bank, paint store, jeweler, we made our way about town, glorious blue sky and sunshine surrounding us.

Then Lovey recognized the ice cream shop and said "we get ice cream?" her voice lilting up with the question and the hope.

Oh, ice cream with only one in tow. That is definitely something a Mama wants to do during Naptime.

on less, and ultimately more

When I made the decision in the fall to stay at home full time I was anxious to be able to slow.  I longed for less.  A simpler routine, less to manage, less to think about. When I worked, albeit part time, I found that my mind was constantly three minutes, three hours, or three days ahead of the present moment.  And being three days ahead of yourself makes it really hard to be, well, present in the present.  I remember sharing with my sister that I simply needed to not constantly be thinking about what was next.  To instead have some mental time and space.

Interestingly (though likely not surprisingly), while I do have more time and space these days, it certainly doesn't feel more simple.  It actually feels like my thinking has come to a screeching halt, that is when it is not wandering around aimlessly.

It seems that all of my busy-ness for such a long time served the purpose of keeping me aptly and critically thinking.  Yes, and juggling all things, because I had to.  But now the balls I juggle seem completely different, and I am not used to their weight or feel.  And if one drops, the consequences are different than before.  For such a long time I was forced to think ahead and always be readying for what was next, my thoughts and actions often directed by things external.  And now that I have the time and space to live a life directed from the internal, I am not quite sure how to do so, or where to start.  Not yet anyway.

When I decided to stay at home I remember anticipating how I could use my time creatively and focus on creating a home of calm and compassion, creativity and joy.  I am oh so far from those things, but still see them as my meaningful pursuit.   I simply know I have a lot of thinking to do to get there...

Who knew that going from working Mama to stay at home Mama could be so difficult?  Maybe you did.  I didn't.  And if you have good insight, please oh please, do share.

loving {iPhone}

Several years ago hubby bought me an iPhone so that I could always have a camera nearby.  I have the thousands of pictures on that little ol' phone to prove that it has been put to good use.  Some day I will get an upgrade to the iPhone 4s.  Sure I will get along with Siri just fine, but it is the camera quality and speed that I am most excited about.

Even though I usually have my regular camera close at hand, I don't always, and I find that on the phone I capture things a bit differently.  Things I may not always see with my other camera in hand.  Things I find fun or funny, interesting or sweet.

Here are some of my recent takes, it seems we've been getting outside as much as we can, no matter the weather:

Also...many thanks for the affirming comments recently (and the very kind e-mail from Tamara), sending support during this crazy anxious time for me!  It is such a good feeling to know I have real-life friends and blog friends that are sending love my way!

this moment {sunshine}

Joining Soulemama, and many others, in this moment. 

In Amanda's words: "A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember."

Please link to your moment too -- I love to see what you are savoring this week!

Wishing you a wonderful weekend!

right now, I'm

:: Re-discovering how much I adore (and honestly, need) pre-natal yoga.  Gurmukh Kaur Khalsa is a superstar in my book.
:: Happy I've finally been able to make and send along to Tonya, a very patient giveaway winner, the Loving Hands Pillow.  Lesson learned.  Have the giveaway ready before, ahem, giving it away.
:: Enjoying the spring-like sunshine and breezes, even if just for a few days.  The fresh air is divine.
:: Feeling pride in Honey, who runs, even in the freezing cold.
:: Loving all of the creating going on around here by kids and grown-ups alike.  (Painting jobs on the nesting list count, don't they?)
:: Relishing the mornings spent in pjs, playing games.
:: Grateful for an amazing OB that always makes the littles feel like they have an important job during my pre-natal visits.  Always.

recent reading

A surprisingly interesting read.

I love to read, and would every day if I could.  I say could, because I know a little something about myself when it comes to reading.  If I start a good book, I can't put it down.  I will stay up way past my bedtime.  I will read at stoplights.  I will let the kids watch a bit more PBS to get in an extra hour of whatever story has me captured.  Laundry will pile, toys remain un-picked up.  My Honey has been known to say "I can't wait until you finish that book."  That's how I read.  So I know I simply can't do it every day.

I also know that if a story doesn't grab me in the first couple chapters, then I don't hesitate taking it back to the library with nary another thought.

I love discovering authors.  If I've enjoyed a book by an author, I will pile up on the others she or he has written.  (Same goes for discovering an interesting new show.  I'm guilty of following an innocent looking link from Molly late one night last week, and ended up watching the entire first season of Downton Abbey within 24 hours.  Thank God for Netflix.  But that's another story.)

So I know this about myself.  Be careful what I begin reading.  (And watching.)  Because all else comes to a halt.  Blogging included, that's why it's been quiet around here.  So sorry friends.

But I don't have any novels or biographies from the library right now.  Phew.  I do have my nesting list to attend to.  Oh, and kids to clothe and feed.

Thank goodness the books I read to them are a bit shorter.  So this is what I'm sticking to for awhile.

Preparing for a trip...

What a joy to read-aloud and share this book with Buddy.

Of course, art imitating life.

Do tell, what have you been reading?

this moment {"homework"}

Joining Soulemama, and many others, in this moment. 

In Amanda's words: "A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember."

Please link to your moment too -- I love to see what you are savoring this week!

Wishing you a wonderful weekend!

the list

Um, anyone there?

So sorry, it's been awhile.  So long actually that my dear friend confessed to me that she worries a bit when I haven't posted for awhile.  She's pretty intuitive that friend.

Not much to worry about really.  Except the crazy anxiety that sets in as you get into single-digit weeks left of a pregnancy.  Well the crazy anxiety that sets in for this Mama anyway.  For this Mama, that means nesting like no other.  And I am a champion nester.  My lists are legendary.  The help I recruit is top notch (and much appreciated!)  The drive to prepare our house for a new family member is unmatched.  Every floor, wall and ceiling is clean.  The attic and basement, and everything in between, is organized.

You would think that I keep having kids just to get home projects done and the house deep-cleaned.

I'm not.

Not really.

So, we've begun.  And I say we because Honey has a very big part of getting the work done.  I stopped counting at 63 for the number of items on The List.  I didn't want to feel more overwhelmed than I already am.

Adding a wee bit to the overwhelm has been our asking ourselves the question "should we consider moving right now?"

(Go ahead, gasp.  I'll wait.  I'll wait for all of those thoughts that come to your mind: Are they crazy?  Too much stress with a newborn!  Now?  Single-digit weeks!)

We need a bigger house. 

Really we do.  Four kids.  Oh my.  (As I type this, one child is on my lap trying to type along, and two others are doing their very convincing banshee routine just feet away.  Within earshot is Daddy putting the finishing touches on dinner.) 

We haven't answered the question yet.  But are close, and are leaning towards staying cozily put for a bit longer.  We are in single-digit weeks after all.

So, meanwhile, we are living by The List as best we can.  Luckily one of the biggies was accomplished last weekend.  A much-needed freshening up of the bathroom, painting, replacing baseboards, some caulking, and, and, and...

So glad Honey is handy.

So glad to be having another baby, our house needs a good cleaning.

this moment {markers}

Joining Soulemama, and many others, in this moment. 

In Amanda's words: "A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember."

Please link to your moment too -- I love to see what you are savoring this week!

Wishing you a colorful weekend!

confessions from she who is pregnant

:: I am a sucker for a cute pair of socks.  And being pregnant and wearing the same three maternity shirts over and over and over, gosh it seems reasonable to splurge $2.50 for a cute pair of argyles at Target, especially if they match one of those said maternity tops.

:: I had to lean over to get a picture of my socks.  That big roundish blur is my huge belly. 

:: I just finished eating an entire pint of Ben and Jerry's Phish Food.  There is another pint of Java Chip waiting in the freezer for another day soon.  When I am pregnant, I eat as much ice cream as I want, and I don't feel badly about it.  That big roundish blur would be there ice cream or not.

:: I think pregnant women are adorable.  At times when I haven't been pregnant and saw pregnant women, it was always with a huge dose of nostaglia about how great it is to be pregnant.

::  I must have selective memory about being pregnant.  Because until today I completely forgot about the incredible back aches that have accompanied me during the third trimester of all of my pregnancies.  The back aches alone warrant the ice cream. (See confession #2.)

:: When my first child was born, I was delighted to learn that while in the hospital you could eat as much pudding as you wanted.  That was great news, I love pudding, even though in every day life I really never eat pudding.

:: With the positive pregnancy tests of my second, third and fourth children, the immediate thought has always been "oh, another sweet baby."  My very next thought has always been, always, "as much pudding as I want, yum!"

:: I am tired.  All. The. Time.  Okay, if these are confessions, I need to be accurately honest.  I am tired 93% of the time.  There are eight or nine minutes around 10:30 a.m. that I feel pretty darn good.

:: People keep telling me it's no surprise I am tired, I already have three kids that I am mothering.  I think I am tired because I am 40 years old.

:: I am fine with being pregnant at 40.  As a matter of fact, it can be downright humorous when you are categorized as "elderly multigravida" on all of your medical documentation.

:: The Bradley Method of Childbirth rocks.  Even when it doesn't go quite as you've prepared, everything about it rocks.

:: Breastfeeding rocks.  And those first few days with a new nursling are simply magical.  Amazing how they know just what to do, and my body does too.

::  If my mathematical estimates are accurate, by the time baby number four is done breastfeeding, I will have nursed babies for over 10 years.  Straight.  Yep, I'm a tandem nurser.  That is over a decade of breastfeeding my friends.  That is alot of breastfeeding.  That is alot of milk.

:: Being pregnant while already having older children is an adventure all its own.  The baby, well really my belly, gets hugged throughout the day.  I've been able to have in-depth conversations on how the baby comes out of my body, the amazing attributes of the placenta, and that, yes, the baby can hear you talking.  There is an excitement that comes with each question about how soon? what about this name? can I feel the baby kick?  Yep, the excitement is definitely up a notch this time around.  And no, I don't think we will consider any names of Lego Ninja characters.

:: It is at about this point in my pregnancy when I don't just feel pregnant, but feel like I have a constant companion.  I love that feeling.  I am never lonely.  I think that also explains some moments of feeling a bit alone once the baby is actually born.

:: Even with the back aches, being pregnant is pretty great.

:: This time around I plan on eating two pudding cups every hour I am at the hospital.  One chocolate and one vanilla.

:: And I will likely order four with each meal.

hello monday

Linking up with the lovely Lisa Leonard today.

Hello blue skies.  Nice to see you, but please can you send along a wee bit of snow already?

Hello big dustbunnies left behind the Christmas decorations.  I am in for alot of cleaning this week.

Hello kittie pjs.  They are getting much too small, but still the requested favorite every day.  Even on errands to Target.

Hello start of the nesting list.  And boy I am a pro at making a nesting list.

Hello little honey bear.  And you too Burt's Bees cough drops, trying to keep a sore throat feeling not so sore.

Hello school routine.  We've missed you.  Oh how we've needed you.

Hello great movie on Netflix Spirit of the Marathon.   Whether you are a runner or not, so inspiring!

Hello sewing projects still in the works from the holidays.  Oh they need to get completed and mailed soon!

What are you saying hello to today?

my word

This is the third year that I will be choosing one little word for the year.

My word in 2010 was create.

My word in 2011 was discovering.

This year, 2012, my word is calm.

I've been thinking about my word for quite some time, actually since early fall when I realized the many transitions my life would be taking.  At that point of the year I felt as if I had reached that point of "discovering" what it was I was intended to discover.  The next big phase of my life.

So since then, I've had time to really think about what word I wanted to focus on and embrace next.  I had been thinking of several, and at the turn of the year had it narrowed down to two:  either home or calm.

And after a couple decidedly un-calm days this week (ahem), I recognized that I indeed needed calm to be my word for 2012.

So I am thoroughly embracing calm this year.  And I am so, so lucky because I won the very generous giveaway from Tamara at Smiling for Grandma to participate in the One Little Word class.  This is definitely going to be a good thing for me to fully concentrate and reflect on calm in my life.

Have you chosen your word yet?  Do tell.

this moment

Joining Soulemama, and many others, in this moment. 

In Amanda's words: "A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember."

Please link to your moment too -- I love to see what you are savoring this week!

May the force be with you this weekend!

truth be told

I was ecstatic to hear the predictions from the meteorologists to expect blizzard-like conditions.  I kept waiting anxiously, watching for snowflakes, hoping to feel a bit of the chill.

This all may sound crazy, I know.  But, truth be told, we've had a bit of a cranky start to 2012.  Oh nothing serious, but I think a full-blown case of "we've-had-such-fun-and-too-many-treats-and-not-enough-sleep-itis" has caught hold of our little family.  Grown-ups and kids alike.

Our holidays have been fabulous, for the first time staying close to home.  We've had some extra day trips and treats, which have been much fun.  But this tired Mama is definitely in need of some down time and fresh air.

And this blizzard is just the cure.

Fresh air, albeit a bit chilly, but fresh no less.

And the cold bringing a whole new realm of fun for the kids.  Anything to freeze over that swamp that has been created in our backyard from record rains, that continued into the holidays.  Humbug. (But I won't mention the rain.  I've promised my husband.  That prince who has listened to me, the eternal glass is half-full gal, complain about the rain for weeks now.)

So blizzard, welcome!  Bring your snowflakes big and fluffy.  Bring your fresh air that seems to dance its own dance as we breathe.  Bring your piles of snow-drenched hats and gloves and boots.   I'll figure out a system of keeping up with the piles soon enough.  Bring your warm drinks and your post-play snuggles to get warm. Welcome!  Give us forts to build, sidewalks to shovel, slick spots on which to sled.  Bring us the just-right antidote for the New Year crankies, for all of us.